Looking across to the snow capped alpine mountains seen from the back seat of a motorcycle

Home Travel Stories Chunking Campastrophy 2017

Off To Muker

Ride Date 7 April 2017

By Ren Withnell

Chunky Tread - the virtual bike club that does virtually nothing. In the interest of doing virtually nothing last year there was a winter camp in Greater Manchester, this year a stand at the Manchester Motorcycle Show and this weekend there's a bunch of us off camping. Not bad really for a haphazard facebook group.

The forecast is excellent yet this morning as I drop into a customer's shop it is decidedly parky outside. Outside the shop the owner Ian and his friend are also off camping - with the MZ owner's club. They both refer to each other affectionately as "Knob!", "Pillock!" and "Idiot!" as they put on their jackets and start their aged vintage 2 strokes. I hate the noise of 2 strokes at the best of times, the MZs sound blooming awful. I catch up with the person who really runs the business, Ian's wife. There's some updates required for their website and a cup of tea. 

When I finally hit the road at 1300 the sun is trying to make an appearance and take the edge of the nippy air. I'm happy to follow a truck as I cruise along the motorway, taking in the pleasant surroundings of Chorley's housing estates, Preston's industrial estates and the rear end of Lancaster's university. By the time I reach Kirkby Lonsdale and Devil's Bridge I'm "fur clempt dee'erth" (Wiganese for jolly hungry) so I stop for a bacon barm at the food van. £3.00!!! Ouch - I wish I hand't.

The road from Devil's Bridge to Sedburgh is draped in sunshine now and my CB500X feels tremendous as we cut through the squirming lane between trees and hedges, fields and farms. It seems like forever since the conditions were right for such vigorous riding. I'm aware I'm out of practice too so I make sure to leave a healthy margin for errors while I get my eye in and re-learn that rubber can stick to tarmac. 

The road north out of Hawes to Muker takes me high into the dales to the point where my ears pop. This is another gratifying road to ride but then the scenery keeps causing me to slow down and take it in. It lacks the majesty and angular bite of The Highlands, instead it feels ancient and well worn. I struggle to pull the words out of my head so I slow some more. This is farmland with stone walls and cattle grids, this is moorland open and wild, this is remote yet it feels homely too. James Herriot, rural life, man made but not aggressive or domineering of nature. Argh! What am I trying to say?

vast big hills, deep valleys, grass and moorland all make the dalesHow DO you describe this kind of landscape?

Usha Gap campsite's lower field is already populated by several tents beside which stand an array of adventure style motorcycles as well as a couple of camper vans. I guess I'm not the first one here then. I join the crew and pitch up my new tipi tent. Hmmm, the jury's still out on whether or not I'll get along with a tipi tent thing. It's all wrong, I suppose that could be just me being used to a different style of tent. It is very easy to put up though. 

The new Tipi tent and Ren's CB500X parked at Usha Gap campsite in SwaledaleThe new tent. It's fine but it's not what I'm used to - pros and cons.

Aaah. Dammit. I was warned wasn't I. I just didn't listen did I. No signal. No phone signal whatsoever. I told Sharon to contact me tomorrow morning to let me know when she's leaving so I can meet her at Devil's Bridge. She certainly won't be calling me while I'm here. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Everyone else reports even walking around holding your phone in the air or standing on a wall will make no difference. I'm not dependent on my phone and I don't need internet access. I'm a liar too.

While most of the crew head off to the local for a pub lunch I take myself, my phone and my motorcycle back to Hawes. At least the road is good, at least the sun is shining. I try to make contact with her ladyship Madam Parker but to no avail. I can only guess she's out and about when she should be sat at home pensively waiting for me to get in touch and missing me terribly. Damn these modern women I tell you. I send her a text message informing her that I will work on the presumption that she'll leave at 0900 as we had casually discussed beforehand. There is nothing else I can do. How DARE she not be in when I call. Pfffffft!

Rolling moorland and hills with blue skies in the setting sunIt is hardly a chore to ride these local roads I suppose.

Upon my return the sun is low in the sky and while it has been a dry and fine day it is obvious tonight is going to be bitterly cold. A few campers gather around a rather sorry looking fire drinking tins while awaiting the return of the rest of the crew, I choose to sit in the common room after a nice hot shower. It's getting bitterly cold out there.

At around 2200 hours I'm joined by those returning from the pub. Most agree it is much warmer in here than it is out there. We sit and chat, I'm thankful that while alcohol has been consumed no-one seems to have reached the fighting or crying or being sick stage yet. They're at that funny teasing stage. I would describe the contents of the conversation but they're not really fit for a family friendly website such as this. I'm sure the adults among you can easily imagine the sort of hilariously funny jibes a group of tipsy motorcyclists come up with. Just throw in the word "Cock" and references to lady's lingerie and you'll be right there.

Bedtime. Unfortunately I was right, there's frost on the tent already and after my Cornwall experiences I'm not looking forward to tonight. It says "-10 Comfort" on my sleeping bag but Vango are liars.

Off To Muker Despite what he'd like to think Ren is discovering technology is essential in his life and he still needs a better sleeping bag. At least he's in charming surroundings as he learns things the hard way as usual.
Sharon's Stunning Achievement Sharon completes her own personal Mission Impossible much to the relief of Ren. As a reward the sun shines and the countryside is delightful.
Sunshine, Scenery And Silly Motorcyclists Sunshine and suicidal motorcyclists. It's the return leg of the Chunky's Campastrophy and everything is hunky-dory save for a couple of buffoons.

Reader's Comments

Ian Soady said :-
You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop. You seem to have a self-referential loop.
13/04/2017 09:44:46 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
Pray explain Ian?
13/04/2017 10:17:57 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
You have a button at the bottom (titled Off to Muker") with a link that just takes you back to the same page.......

It is normal practice to point somewhere else but of course you may be using a Lancashire convention.........
13/04/2017 10:26:32 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
Being an experienced SQL you'll understand...

"SELECT * FROM my_travel_stories_table WHERE my_travel_story_title = 'Chunking Campastrophy 2017'"

As such there will be 3 days worth of actual posts under the parent post of Chunking Campastrophy 2017 when I have finished writing them all up. Now I *could* filter out the current page but I find that would break up the flow of having all the posts for that particular travel story available for the reader to select from.

This is not an ideal world, I'm just making the most of the one I live in.

I am currently playing with the idea of a rather large redesign of this website - because according to my Google Analytics the majority of our visitors arrive on tablets and other mobile devices. While this site is written using responsive HTML and nearly always meets Google's requirements for mobile access it isn't really "optimised" for these.

I am struggling to find the best most mobile and yet also desktop friendly design.
13/04/2017 11:04:05 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
You could of course include an "And NOT....." in you statement pointing to the current element.

Please don't go down the "tablet friendly" route like Windows 10 where everything is a picture as though we're all illiterate. As a totally O/T comment here, we have a Youview box at home that allows access to various TV catch up things as well as being a recorder. We've just had an enforced update. Previously the lists of recorded programmes and scheduled ones were exactly that - text lists. Now they're "tiles" which means you can't actually see what on earth they are as the picture they show often has little relationship to the programme.

It's about time some people studied ergonomics and human computer interface design rather than jumping on bandwagons.
13/04/2017 12:40:31 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
OH dear...I have to admit Ian I was starting to create "icons" or as you call them "tiles". Now I think I'm too scared to continue otherwise you might come and rev that blasted 2-stroke outside my house at some ungodly hour.

I shall keep on thinking. And probably end up doing nothing.
15/04/2017 08:26:50 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
The problem with icons / tiles / whatever you call them is that they actually require you to learn a new language. And they're not as economical in space as text. Of course, developers who put them in use them every day so they think they're self explanatory. They're not......

It took millenia to move from pictograms / hieroglyphs to character-based text which has now been with us for more than 2,000 years and works very well.

Consider the simple on/off switch. Those words are enough for any English speaking person (and as your site is in English then it's unintelligble to anyone who isn't). Compare that with the pictograms that now appear everywhere. Which of these is easier to understand?




15/04/2017 10:01:19 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
And the 'orrible 2 stroke will probably be audible from here.......
15/04/2017 10:02:09 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
Ring ding ding da ding ding... Urgh sends shivers down my spine.
16/04/2017 07:04:52 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
No, I'm expecting more of a yowl (if that's not a Scott trademark).

Arrows can sound nice:


youtu.be/cmiGdJCy9m4...
16/04/2017 09:48:34 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
.... but it might sound more like a DKW. Apparently when these were racing everyone around them went deaf for a few hours.....


youtu.be/i_zfT3n2gwI...
16/04/2017 10:49:33 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
OH MY EARS!!! For goodness sake, for all our sakes let us listen to the nice "thud thud thud" of the Sunbeam.

I had you down as a respectable member of society Ian. I am aware that you are "socially conscious" and have great respect for your fellow beings and wish to share the fruits of life with everyone equally.

Then you go and buy a 2 stroke.
17/04/2017 07:58:38 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
Oh all right although everyone has seen this before.

Better?
youtu.be/nXeHqpRBJ1s...
17/04/2017 11:29:48 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
Civilised, genteel, dignified and stylish. Much better.
17/04/2017 16:08:35 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
Yes, but that's enough about me - what about the Sunbeam?
18/04/2017 09:25:24 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
Modest too...
18/04/2017 11:02:03 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
Just been getting to grips with the Arrow, which in general is in good fettle and seems to have been cared for. I think it's going to make for a pleasant bike and look forward to having it up and running.

But I can't understand how people can ride around with the wrong brake & clutch levers (making operation much heavier than it needs to be), incorrectly routed control cables compounding that error, cables cobbled together with blue crimp-on connectors (my pet hate), odd metric bolts here & there instead of the correct UNF ones which are very easily available.........

All details which a weekend in the garage and a few quid can easily put right (and which task I am getting stuck into).

Ah well, it all makes work for the (ex-)working man to do.
21/04/2017 11:23:53 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
I have learned that what matters to me doesn't necessarily matter to others. I like things that work, Sharon likes things to look nice.

What worries me is the order in which you're worrying. For myself worrying about control cables and connectors while the engine isn't running is akin to worrying about your hairstyle while stood on the deck of the sinking Titanic. Get the motor going, lord only knows what condition it's in internally.

Anyhow if everything is fine and you sort these minor issues in a weekend I guess you'll have 2 classic motorcycles for sale...
22/04/2017 06:31:03 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
I take your point, but hope it's not causing you any lost sleep.

However, these things will need to be done anyway so might as well get on with them. Connectors etc are of course one of the reasons why it won't start (very poor spark and dirty plugs). Pulling the horrible insulating tape off the alternator leads has shown up bared wires. The points were very mucky and connections very tenuous.

I may well pop the heads and barrels off just to check the big / little ends. Remember it's a 2 stroke - no valves, cams etc to be concerned about.

We all have our own priorities - for example, another one of mine is getting rid of those horrible stickers with skulls, union flags etc. Most of those from the accessible side are off (one complete with a chunk of paint sadly). Yes I did use a hairdrier......

And wheeling it around, checking the cables etc has brought to light a somewhat problematic issue with the front brake plate flapping about. That's the next job. I can't get it on the lift now with no space so will need to grovel on the floor.
22/04/2017 09:32:04 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
You wonder why I don't just get it running.

Looking at the front brake cable showed me a certain slackness in the brake plate / cam lever area. So now the front wheel is out and I can see (a) that there's excessive play on the brake plate bush and (b) the cam lever is held on to the cam not with the correct 5/16" UNF nut but instead a 5/16" Cycle thread one. Fortunately this made of brass and hasn't damaged the parent thread. But a hard application of the brake could easily have seen it popping off (and me popping my clogs).

Of course you people who stroll into bike showrooms waving your credit cards and riding out on shiny new bikes won't understand. Remember the Arrow is 55 years old and will have been through many hands, not all of them skilled.
22/04/2017 14:01:18 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
"....waving your credit cards and riding out on shiny new bikes..." HAHA!! Cheeky swine. I'll have you know my CBF125 had 5 previous owners and only 5,700 miles on the clock when I got it. That means it had been learnered to death in a short space of time.

As for worrying about stickers. Sometimes when I see antiques shows the antiquarians are looking for mint condition examples then others seem to think having signs of wear and age is a good thing. Of course I'm looking for signs of wear and age. Leave the stickers on and call it "character".

And the brakes? Meh, you've got a front and a back surely one of them is going to work?
24/04/2017 06:51:57 UTC
Ian Soady said :-
I don't like the stickers as they have a vaguely BNP look to them - bulldogs, skull & crossbones, union flags etc.

Work on the brake going well; wiring and control cable supplies ordered; quite happy so far.

Further investigation on the front brake showed the wheel spindle had been mushroomed (you're not supposed to use a hammer on it) as had its nut which meant it wouldn't go fully home thus allowing excess float on the brake plate. Half an hour in the lathe sorted them out.

One reason I like getting to grips with a new (to me) bike is the learning process, which I must say is quite extensive as the Arrow does most things differently to anything else I've owned.
24/04/2017 09:11:31 UTC
CrazyFrog said :-
Yes, I have to say I don't like the stickers and other paraphernalia that some seem to think improve the looks of a bike.

It's one reason I've never gone down the Harly route - try to find a second hand Harley that isn't festooned with eagles, skulls, flames and other nonsense that wouldn't look out of place in a Hammer Horror film. Then again, some Harley owners I've seen could easily get bit parts in Hammer Horror films too.....
24/04/2017 12:01:57 UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
Maybe just cover the stickers up with nice stickers - I have some BAT stickers available for a small fee?

It's all very well and good this tinkering and learning thing but the problem is that you are always deliberately working yourself out of your pleasurable work. Once the Arrow is sorted then there'll be nothing left to sort.

Tell you what - anyone who likes to tinker can tinker with my CBF125. There's already a whole plethora of work to keep you happy then if you return the bike to me I'm sure sooner or later I'll wear something else out and hey presto! More fun tasks for you to complete.

I'll offer this service to anyone. Lend me your bike, be it old or new, and I'll use it and abuse it until such times as you deem it ready for another restoration. As long as you pay for the fuel I won't even charge for my services.
24/04/2017 14:37:51 UTC
i said :-
"It's all very well and good this tinkering and learning thing but the problem is that you are always deliberately working yourself out of your pleasurable work. Once the Arrow is sorted then there'll be nothing left to sort."

It's called a hobby Ren. After many many years of having to fix my bikes so I can go to work / continue a holiday etc I'm now in the luxurious position of having 2 running machines as well as other transport so I can do what I want when I want.

And of course when the Arrow is finished there are likely to be pastures new. But not a CB125 thank you.

I am also aware that I do not have an infinite amount of time left while I will be able to do these things and don't want to be one of these people who says "I wish I'd......"
25/04/2017 09:47:46 UTC

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