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Home Ren's Biking Blog

Confusion At The Trafford Centre

Blog Date - 03 March 2015

You know those metal jugs you find at some cafes and motorway service stations? The metal ones with a tiny spout. There'll be a jug for your milk and a similarly styled teapot to match. You've shelled out a small fortune for the privilege of sitting in a steamy cafe on wobbly chairs only to find when you pour your long awaited beverage the liquid does not flow from the spout. It dribbles pathetically down the outside of the receptacle and lands either in your saucer or on the vinyl tablecloth. You adjust to compensate and no sooner have you achieved fillage the spout starts to work. More tea and milk in the wrong place.

Metal jusg and a teapot on a white background
Can you pour correctly from these things?

For millennia mankind has been pouring from various containers successfully. It is not beyond the intellect of a small child to work our how and why a spout assists with correct pouring function. As such I find it almost impossible to believe that the designers and creators of the metal jug and teapot "accidentally" happened across a spout and pouring design that could work so badly. In fact logically I can only assume that a GREAT DEAL of effort was put into the design so that it DID NOT pour correctly. 

These items are rarely found outside of cafes due to their terrible pouring action. As such I presume their purpose is to encourage customers to pour their drinks over the table, requiring them to buy yet more as they seek the refreshment they initially entered the establishment for. Spilt drinks increase profits.

I feel as though the roads around Manchester's Trafford Centre have been similarly designed.

One would hope that upon exiting the motorway junction one would find perhaps a simple, well positioned sign post to the car park. One would follow the signs and find suitable parking in an obvious manner. 

Nope. Upon exiting the motorway the first attack comes in the form of multiple lanes with multiple options listed upon multiple sign posts. Of course the terrified novice to Trafford Centre shopping will stick to the left lane as that feels safest, closest to the kerb. Where upon the hapless out-of-towner will find themselves upon the road to Eccles with no hope at all of cutting across the 5 lanes to reach any hope of accessing a car park, any car park. 

When our novice shopper has u-turned in B&Q's car park and returns to the affray things don't improve. So many lanes offer so many car parks with so many options it is likely their brain will fry. Add to this a vast number of vehicles who know exactly where they are going but are deliberately using the wrong lanes to improve speed our newbie will start to cry. For that extra pazazz and sense of fear throw in a motley collection of very large, aggressive lorries trying to reach the industrial Trafford Park. For those who've never been to The Trafford Centre it appears to be safer to park in Urmston and walk in.

You may decide to leave. Nope. There are plenty of signs to take you back to the motorway network and the safety of familiar roads but these signs will leave you floundering. If you want to go North you will be sure to find yourself in the South lanes, the North lanes will be jammed solid and no-one is letting you in. The same applies for East and West too. The only option is to ride, just ride and ride and ride until you are a few miles clear. Here my recommendation is to find a cafe with metal teapots and jugs and spend an hour relaxing as your cup sits in a puddle of drink that you couldn't pour correctly.

As with the teapots and jugs I can only assume the purpose of the road network around the Trafford Centre is to actively discourage any new shoppers from visiting. Perhaps the local town planners were worried the local shops would suffer as a result of such a massive empire to wanton consumerism.

 

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Reader's Comments

John Deville said :-
I feel your pain, but like anything else in lfe...............practice practice pratice....................lol
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Ren - The Ed said :-
Indeed John. I'm sure after 10 or 20 visits a shopper might just learn where they need to go, which lane they need to be in and perhaps, one day, how to escape safely too.

Me? I'd rather stick pins in my eyes...
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The Tenuous Link said :-
Milk jugs that dribble milk where it shouldn't go, confirm the fact that you still can get paid for doing a shit job!
However, don't get me started on toast cut into triangles, not rectangles!!!
UTC
Ren - The Ed said :-
If feel your pain Tenuous Link, if feel it...
UTC
 

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