Home
Sharon's Biking Blog
Nightmare Terror And Temper Tantrums - Nov 2013
It is a Monday night which means bike club night. The bf proposes we got out for a little ride out before the meet at 7pm. Seems like a good idea to me.
So off we set and I expect a little trundle through some quiet back lanes. The bf however has other ideas. I suddenly find myself in the middle of Bolton in rush hour traffic. This is my ultimate nightmare. I avoid driving my car into towns, I avoid driving in rush hour if at all possible. So combine the two together, town + rush hour, add in me a novice on my bike, well that = one very unhappy learner rider.
My heart races and my teeth are clenched so tight my jaw hurts. If I turn right not only do I have to contend with waiting for a suitable gap in traffic but cars pass me on my left side so close and so fast my bike wobbles from the draft. Every one is intent on getting home as fast as possible and I begin to feel invisible and very vulnerable.
To makes matters even worse the roads are wet and the sun comes out just to hit me right in the eyes. I clearly (pun intended) need a new helmet as the current one's visor is scratched to hell. The sun shining through it just makes all the scratches show up ten fold. So now I am in heavy traffic and can barely see. This is truly a nightmare. I curse the bf under my breath, is he completely mad taking me into this?
We eventually make our way to the bike club. Even though I know this route and the traffic has lessened my nerves are still shot. I just can not take myself out of the state of complete terror I was in. We pull into the car park and I am so relieved to finally be able to stop I pull the brakes way to hard and yep I have yet another sodding lie down.
But this time I am not all smiles and full of positive quotations. I am really, really furious. I am steaming mad that I dropped it again. I survived all that bloody traffic to then go and drop the bike in a car park for Christ sake!!! I feel like a toddler about to erupt in a temper tantrum. I want to kick the bike and I want to rip off my helmet and throw it to the floor in disgust.
The bf is all smiles. He is not remotely perturbed by my bike lying on the floor. He is all positive about how great I did in all that traffic and if I can ride in rush hour that proves I can really ride. But I am not in the mood for anything positive. I feel a complete idiot and a failure. As I pick up my bike I tell the bf to just go inside the pub, I need a minute or so by myself.
I plonk myself down on the grass and sulk. Am I not supposed to love riding my bike? But I hated every bloody second I was on it tonight. Is biking not supposed to be fun and not some trail of terror? Maybe I just don't like biking after all? Maybe I am just really shit at the whole thing?
I eventually get up and go into the pub to join the bike club members but I remain very subdued and quiet all night. I get so frustrated that every time I seem to make a step forward I then take one back. Ok maybe I am being over hard on myself. I probably take two steps forwards and one back. But even so it is frustrating as hell.
What bothered me the most about tonight was how much I hated riding. Chatting to Ren later he reassures me that I was NOT supposed to enjoy riding in rush hour. Even he with all his years of experience finds it stressful and not enjoyable. Ren clearly had hoped that in taking me into rush hour and me surviving it would have boosted my confidence in knowing I could handle such situations. Unfortunately right there and then that night it had the exact opposite effect.
With the gift of hindsight and time to calm time I eventually came to realise a few days later that the night was not the huge disaster that it felt on that night. So I dropped the bike but I had ridden through some pretty hard traffic conditions too. I may have gritted my teeth and hated it but I still got through it. I did not pull in and get of my bike and refuse to move. I found it terrifying but I carried on. I guess I was in my worse nightmare but I rode out of the other side. That night I wanted to kick the bf for taking me through my worse fear. With hindsight I want to give him a hug and thank him. No doubt if I do rush hour again I will hate every second but I WILL KNOW thanks to Ren that I CAN do it.
Another lesson learned...the hard way.
Reader's Comments
Tom McQ said :-
Don't let Ren off so bloody lightly. It was HIS fault that you found yourself in a nightmare situation and ultimately came off your bike. While your anger was at its peak, you should have thrown that helmet right at him. :-D
Seriously though, busy towns in peak traffic are horrendous for even the most experienced riders and all the usual risks that are associated with riding motorbikes are increased tenfold by the myriad selfish drivers who can see nothing but their route home. So to take you into town in rush-hour, in the rain, with a scratched visor which was probably fogging up too, was irresponsible and uncaring.
I recommend you dump him and get a nice, mature guy. Someone about 54yrs old from the Lostock end of Horwich ;-)
01/01/2000 00:00:00 UTC
Name
Comment
Add a RELEVANT link (not required)
Upload an image (not required) -
Uploading...
Home
Sharon's Biking Blog