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Workshop Definitions Humour

Adapted from the net - many thanks to John De Ville for putting me on to this.

Upright or Press Drill
Used to grab secured items and spin them around in a dangerous blur. This causes other items to fly around the workshop damaging the jobs you were originally trying to fix.

Wire Wheel
Used in a drill to clean rust off small items such as nuts and bolts. At some point it will also hide the bolt under the workbench or in the garden and remove your fingerprints in a matter is microseconds.

Angle Grinder
Used to cut too much metal off studs, bar and bolts. Also an excellent fire starter if used near oil and petrol soaked rags or near your pants.

Used to round off nuts and bolts because you are too lazy to find the correct spanner. Also fundamental in the creation of blood blisters.

Electrical Sander
This item will turn any fiddly little touch-up jobs into a major respray and refinishing job.

A precision tool that can be used to produce very imprecise cuts in metal. In a reverse-psychology principal the harder you try with a hacksaw, the less likely you are to create any kind of cutting motion.

Vice Grips
When you have rounded off the nuts and bolts with the pliers, vice grips ensure the remaining metal is utterly useless. Can also be used to prevent loss of fingerprints and fingers while cutting, cleaning and sanding. They will not however prevent any of the other issues. Especially useful for transferring heat from welding work straight to your blistered hands.

Car Jack
Used to bend and break exhaust pipes and mounts when attempting to remove the front wheel. Much better employed in the top box as a weight to lift the front end (centre stand motorcycles only)

General tool used for all jobs and any situation. It will turn and easy simple task into an ongoing nightmare that will keep you entertained and out of pocket for weeks. Enthusiastic application will also provide a rest period while your black fingernail grows out and the bones heal.

Large Spanners
Used in place of a hammer when the hammer is just out of reach.

Bleed Nipple
Small part of the brake system designed to snap-off in situ making a simple task expensive and time consuming.

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Reader's Comments

Latchy said :-
Large screwdriver
This tool will undo clutch centre nuts whilst giving them a re shaped outer edge, must be used with a very slippery hammer

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