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Road Rage For Wimpy Bikers

Blog Date - 11 October 2011

Coming home yesterday from work I was coming off a roundabout onto a road that was already queuing up.  It was wet, busy and I was tired.  Now considering I was coming off the roundabout onto a main road I figured I had right of way over the traffic queuing to get onto the roundabout to my left.  This guy in a red Jaaaaaaag had other ideas.  He decided as I was only going slowly in the traffic he'd pop in there alongside me, making me create my own unique lane on the outside of the traffic.  Nothing dangerous, just annoying.

Whilst alongside him I made a "what the devil are you doing?" gesticulation, nothing rude, just a waved arm.  At this point he wound his window down and suggested quite rudely that I ought to let him in and used some vulgar words.  I returned the compliment at which point he wound up his window.  The traffic moved and as he moved forward he deliberately pulled out to force me across the road towards the oncoming traffic.

I backed off and joined the flow of slow traffic.  Inside my helmet I was livid.  Whilst crawling along I imagined pulling alongside again and kicking his shiny car.  I imagined dragging my front wheel into his bright red bumper.  I imagined passing him and stopping in front of him then beating him up.  I imagined I've got a machine gun on the front of the bike and I filled his car and him with lead.  After 5 minutes I had fitted a flame thrower, rpg launcher, grappling hook and all kind of evil and devious means of revenge.

With each fresh imagination I also imagined the police knocking on my door to ask about the burnt out, bullet ridden, blood soaked and twisted wreck on the road.  That's the thing you see.  Us law abiding citizens who wish for nothing more than a quiet life and their right of way on the public roads can do nothing but sit and stew in polite British silence.  If I had taken any recourse, even simply pulling along side him to vent my anger, then I could be at risk of prosecution for all manner of public order or driving offences.  I don't like it, but it is right, proper and correct.

Just because someone else is an ignorant moron, does not mean that you immediately have the right to be too.  You can't flout the speed limits to go chase someone who's cut you up, you might kill an innocent bystander whilst doing so.  You can't sit in the middle of the road screaming obscenities at the traffic lights, it's vulgar.  And much as I'd love to I fully understand why the law prohibits the fitting of machine guns or flame throwers to any non-military vehicle.

I took a little comfort in doing 2 things.  Firstly I followed him through the traffic at a safe and sensible speed and distance.  Although I was steaming inside my wet helmet I knew he would be too, I was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was upset.  Secondly I smiled when we reached the open road and he absolutely floored his Jag.  He was obviously concerned that I might follow him all the way home to take matters further.  Stuff him, and all those like him.  My licence and my peace and quiet are far more important than seeking my revenge.  That said, if anyone sees a bright red Jag, 07 plate, in the North Bolton area...

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