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Travel StoriesA Holiday In Normandy
Struggling Into France
Ride Date 19 June 2026
By Ren Withnell
The saddest toilet flush button I've ever seen. Awwww.
Right. OK. Our train is at 1554 (it should have been 1534 but we received an email telling us we'd been knocked back 20 minutes for 'operational reasons'). We need to be there AT LEAST 90 minutes early (1424). There's all this new fangled biometric stuff to get into Europe now so I'd like another hour to get that sorted (1324). Google reckons it'll take 2.5 hours to get there (1054). Plus I want a couple of hours leeway in case there's traffic on the motorways (0854). I want to leave here before 0900 please.
All vehicles present and correct, a good start.
"If you or we get to Ashford before 1230 go to Ashford Tesco. We'll have a brew and a chill there before making our way to The Chunnel - got that?" So after a comfortable night's rest we are indeed on the road by 0905 - I'm happy with that although I was ready by 0820 because, well, you know, I need time to worry about things.
Having a support vehicle means we can get images like this!
We ride with Meg and Stan following in the car for a short while then it's just Sharon and I. M1, M25, The Dartford Tunnel, and that ache in the hip is back. The weather is warm and dry, potentially at risk of becoming "hot".
Eh? What? I thought the M25 lead straight to the M20? For reasons unknown sat-nav has taken me onto the A2. Trust in the technology Ren, trust in a wisdom greater than yours. The M2? Where the hell even is that? Oh crap now I'm in the wrong lane and Sharon is trying to get into the right lane. As the traffic stops at a roundabout somewhere north of Maidstone I ask her to follow me.
We get turned around on a roundabout and soon we're on the M20 - thank flip for that! We've probably lost 20 minutes but that's why I like having time to spare. Upon reflection and looking at the maps later I can only assume Google Maps identified some traffic or problem with the "regular" route and brought us this way instead. Heart attack averted and the M20 is much quieter than the M25.
As I relax and breathe we're in the middle lane overtaking some trucks. In the mirror I spot a Transit van sweep across from a slip road and almost into Sharon. He's behind me now as I gesticulate my disapproval of his driving style. It's only 1100 by the time we reach the Tesco in Ashford. We're early, really early. I'll get stick for this but at least we haven't missed our train.
"DID YOU SEE THAT #£%$er IN THE *&?!ing TRANNY!!!???!!" Shouts Sharon. I did yeah. I thought he'd just squeezed in between us, it seems he'd almost side-swiped Sharon into the central reservation. She's both livid and terrified in the same sentence. I'm starting to see this was more than a bit scary, she's properly shaken by the experience. There's a Costa (lotta) Coffee where Meg and Stan are already waiting for us - Sharon retells of her almost impending doom.
While Sharon regains her composure sat-nav tells me it's 15 minutes to Le Shuttle. We drink tea and coffee, Stan pretends to enjoy some nasty looking green goop that looks like pureed grass. We grab a few snacks from Tesco but we can't take dairy or meat across to France so we can't get tonight's tea. We wait and we talk. OK. It's 1215 we'll get there early but we can sort the biometrics. It's getting rather hot outside.
Damn. Blast. Cock. Poop. We get through the barriers just fine. We get parked without problem. As we enter the terminal building (looks much like a motorway services) the information boards seem to be suggesting the trains are delayed. Let's worry about that later - let's get this biometric stuff done.
"No, we're not doing that yet, it'll be a few months until that comes in."
Oh. So I have brought this lot here nice and early only to find we don't need to be biometrically recorded, the trains are running "an hour or so late", and it's now blummin' scorchio outside. Great. Plus there's little seating as everyone else is waiting. Plus the price of anything in the terminal reflects the captive market.
We wait. We drink the water we have with us. We wait. We cripple the finances to get another drink. We wait. We play cards. We wait. We watch the monitors. We wait. We'd arrived around 1245, we are finally called to depart about 1630. FFS.
Back on the bikes we show our passports to one cabin. We wait. We show our passports to another cabin. We wait. We have our bikes swabbed for drugs or explosives. We wait. This now appears to be the final queue before boarding. Sharon is with me, Meg and Stan are in the next line not far away. It's hot. There's boiling bikers from all across the UK sweating into leather and cordura and kevlar. We're the lucky ones, being late isn't that bad for us because we only have 20 more miles to go after Le Shuttle, some have 100 or 200 miles more.
After half an hour, maybe more, we're finally starting the engines to make our way across the various ramps and bridges that lead us to the actual train itself. I'm fine with this but the angles and the lumps and the wobbly metal plates all make Sharon nervous. I suspect she's already hyped after almost being mashed on the motorway, she's a bit fragile getting onto - then into the carriage.
Don't go to Le Shuttle for the scenery.
At last, finally, thankfully, eventually the train jolts into movement. We're off. It's hot and stuffy in the cramped carriage and completely without any form of comfort for the weary rider. It is now gone 1730 UK time, that'll be 1830 French time. Holy moly.
We have no notion at all if Stan and Meg got onto this train. We have no way of finding out either. Sharon's worried Meg won't change her speedo to KM as we both change our bikes' clocks and speedometers to the new settings. She sends a message in the hope she'll receive it at some point in time.
That's not a smile, that's relief that she got on safely.
Ride on the right - ride on the right. You don't get to stop when you get off from the Chunnel - it's straight off the train, along a ramp or two, then directly onto the main road. Roundabout - be careful. Wow! I've ridden on the wrong side of the road now - let me see - er - Spain thrice, France 4,5, maybe 6 times, oh and The Netherlands, 10 times at the most. This time it is actually a lot easier. Golly gee look at me, I'm an old hand at this foreign stuff now ain't I!
It's an easy half hour hop from Le Shuttle to Rinxent (rink-sent, rin-zant, ran-sont?!?!) and sat-nav leads us straight to tonight's gite. A big gravel driveway gives Sharon a moment's pause but she's fine, we're soon parked. The gite is, much like last night's accommodation - spot on and exactly as advertised.
There's 2 real beds this time, one in a bedroom, the other on a mezzanine level. Being old and feeble Sharon and I grab the downstairs room before Meg and Stan even arrive. There's all you'd expect including a kettle and some cups - alas the cups are small things, barely enough to call it a brew. Damn these uncivilised foreigners and their strange ways - I need tea and lots of tea!
Unusual and interesting, and just fine for our needs.
Stan and Meg were not on our train, they departed around 10-15 minutes after us apparently - even though we all had booked for the same departure. For the group riders out there bear this in mind - organise a rendezvous point after Le Shuttle in case you all get split up. Stan was driving and while driving on the wrong side of the road caused a little consternation he's done just fine.
We need supplies. Stan finds a nearby supermarket on Google maps but it shuts in 15 minutes. I hop in the car with him and we scoot through the narrow lanes into the village. We're at the shop with 5 minutes to spare - the staff are already pulling down shutters and sweeping up. They're happy to let us in and we make a point of running around the shop. Minced meat, spaghetti and a jar of sauce, oh and milk!! A few croissants for breakfast too.
OK, well yeah, fair enough. The cups may be too small but our hosts must get a lot of English guests as there's a handful of teabags in a bowl. I make a brew with one of these teabags in the half-sized cup and pour in the milk. It looks odd, somewhat grey. I take a sip - BLEURGH!!!! What in god's name is this heinous vile evil within my mouth?!?! Coffee bags. These are goddam coffee bags. It's a trap, curse those French!!!
Tea bags? Nooooooo... COFFEE BAGS!!! Evil, nasty, vile, despicable, and cruel.
After rinsing my poor tarnished mouth with water (and soap and shampoo...) I make a brew with MY teabags. Ooooooh that's better. Stan likes to cook so we leave him to prepare our spag bol. Soon we're sat outside eating on the patio - it's warm and muggy and the skies are leaden, we hear the odd distant grumble of thunder. The spag bol goes down a treat.
With time to breathe there's now time to relax. The thunder has abated so Sharon, Meg, and Stan decide to go for a walk. I'm just going to hang here a bit, wash up, check the bikes, that kind of thing. Looking around we're in soft, gentle rolling hills here, among fields of now golden wheat and others of grass, mostly green although there's signs of dryness. Trees aplenty, a church in the distance, and all is peaceful.
I'm recalling a couple of comments from Ian Soady expressing his dislike of The Pas De Calais. Why? I'm not seeing anything here to dislike particularly. Rinxent appeared to be typically French, there's no noise here, the countryside is pleasant and there's next to no traffic. Well OK it's not spectacular, rather it's comfortably charming. Upon their return the walkers concur, all is lovely.
Rinxent ain't no bad place to be this evening.
After I've washed up it's 2230, but that's French time, 2130 UK time. We're all knackered though, we're soon brushing teeth and settling down even though it's early.
It's been a day. Yes yes yes we arrived far too early which made the Le Shuttle delays even worse. I did not know the biometrics weren't in place yet and I'd have no way of knowing about the delays. You can criticise all you like but it would have been a much greater disaster if we'd been late. What is done is done and we're all safe and well at the end of the day.
I'm more relaxed now. We've about 170 miles to do tomorrow to get to the gite in Normandy but we have all day to do it and there's no rush or essential timings. There's thunder and lightening forecast tonight but that doesn't bother me at all, tomorrow looks dry and that's what matters. Yeah, it's not been the best of days but no disasters, I'll take that. Except the coffee bags, that's unforgivable.
A Holiday In Normandy - Prologue
France! Well northern France because our soft arsed lazy writers can't be bothered to go any further. It's time for excuses and explanations as to why The Dynamic Muppets are off on holiday and not an exciting expedition.
Bedfordshire Is Not In France
And they're off to France! Well Bedfordshire today, but they will get to France eventually... hopefully... maybe?
Struggling Into France
It's time to go to France, alas there's far too much time to go to France. Ren is early, the trains are late, it's hot, and it's disorganised. Oh and Sharon's life flashes before her eyes - or was it a Transit van?
Reader's Comments
Snod said :-
Haha yes, we went through the tunnel in mid July and there was still no EES silliness. They were busily planting small trees around the outside of it though, priorities and all that.
I've been through the Opale national park a couple of times and it's perfectly agreeable, even the town of Calais seemed nice enough until you find the enormous port/train station bolted onto it.
04/08/2026 12:16:32 UTC
Ian Soady¹ said :-
My recent research on the shuttle explicitly tells you NOT to follow satnav but to use the directions on their website...... RTFM?
Re Calais and surrounds: it's really just that I prefer other areas. But if we actually manage to get to France later this year I suspect Dieppe will be calling although it's actually in Normandie.
About 20 years ago we went to Calais to see the Sultan's Elephant which was an incredible experience. If I try hard I just may be able to pop it on my youtube channel.
04/08/2026 13:44:47 UTC
Ren - The Ed¹ said :-
This day was the 19th of July Snod so we couldn't have been far apart.
"Agreeable" that's a good word to describe it Snod. I can't comment on Calais as I've never been in the town nor seen the port. I found Ambletuese on the coast to be "agreeable" too. Nothing spectacular, not exceedingly cute or quaint, I feel no reason to steer folks towards the area but I feel no need to avoid the area too.
Where were you headed?
04/08/2026 14:00:38 UTC
Ren - The Ed¹ said :-
We didn't get lost actually getting to Le Shuttle Ian, from Ashford to Le Shuttle is a doddle, get on the motorway and look for the signs!!
For sure there's nicer areas in France than The Pas De Calais, I suppose you've been spoiled with your seemingly extensive knowledge of the wonders of France.
Dieppe is a town much like many others - but if you're coming in on the boat from Newhaven the setup has changed from what I remember the last time. You used to have to come through the town to get to the port, when we returned from this trip we seemed to skirt around the town on some new roads. I hope to give you a feel of our Normandy experience over the rest of the posts here.
04/08/2026 14:11:42 UTC
Sharon said :-
The date was the 19th June Ren not July ?.
Age it's a real nuisance at times messing with the brain signals. I'm sure it was just a typo though.
04/08/2026 14:58:39 UTC
Upt'North ¹ said :-
Coffee bags you say, there's a strange thing about coffee bags, they don't taste of anything resembling coffee. That hour going over is a blummin nuisance, it's about time they stopped it. The Portuguese get on just fine with proper time.
It's obviously a continental thing, maybe Scottish too, everything opens and closes at strange times; except the public houses in Scotland which never close.
Looking forward to the next installment and not a tent peg or cuppasoup in sight.
Upt.
04/08/2026 16:19:08 UTC
Upt'North ¹ said :-
What brain?
04/08/2026 16:20:25 UTC
Ren - The Ed¹ said :-
No no no you're right Sharon... Snod went in July and we went in June. I am not reading like wot aye shud innit.
No Upt', no tent pegs were harmed in the making of this holiday. You may regrettably see that at some points in the future real food was consumed, contrary to my own misgivings.
04/08/2026 16:56:40 UTC
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Travel StoriesA Holiday In Normandy